Book Review: The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James (2017)

loneliest girl

 

Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity amongst the stars. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth – with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.

Based on that summary, you might think that The Loneliest Girl in the Universe is a YA romance novel in a science fiction setting. And in part, you would be right. But one thing that I will say about Lauren James’ is that it surprised me. I went in expecting to get a sweet, simple story about a girl falling in love with a boy she’s never met. But James takes things in a different direction, and the book is stronger for it.

As a girl who hasn’t seen another human face in years, Romy Silvers is definitely relatable, especially considering that I’m writing this under COVID lockdown. The stress and anxiety of extreme isolation is something everyone on the planet understands a lot more now, and on top of all of that Romy has to pilot a spaceship. And you thought Zoom-conferencing was hard.

I don’t want to spoil the plot, but I’ll just say that this book was unpredictable in the very best way. It genuinely surprised me, something that happens rarely enough in literature, and even more rarely with YA novels. James deftly manages to integrate the twists and turns into her prose. At no point did I ever feel lost, or cheated by a cheap twist. Every chapter had me asking new questions, and trying to figure out the mystery behind J and the supposed fall of the American government. And nearly all my guesses turned out to be wrong, which made it even more fun.

So if you’re interested in some not-to-sciencey science fiction that keeps you on your toes and has a strong but relatable main character, I definitely recommend The Loneliest Girl in the Universe. 

Also this is super random, but I totally want to write a spin off novel based on the character’s of Loch and Ness.

My rating: 4/5

You can find The Loneliest Girl in the Universe here on Amazon or here on Book Depository.

You might also enjoy:

A Door Into Ocean by Joan Slonczewski

And the Trees Crept In by Dawn Kurtagich

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Happy reading everyone!

Book Vs Film: Interview With the Vampire

 

Welcome to one of my very favorite segments, Book vs Film. Today we’re looking at the 1976 novel, Interview with the Vampire versus its 1994 film counterpoint, starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

invvamp

 

Warning: Spoilers for a fifty-year old book and twenty-five year old film. I’m not gonna feel too bad on this one.

1) I had no idea the book was that old until I started writing this article, but now I can totally see it. There’s a timelessness to Rice’s Gothic prose that takes it out of the present day. She also has a penchant for long, descriptive paragraphs that might put off younger readers accustomed to the snappy pace of today’s paranormal novels. But once you sink in to her stories, they sweep you away.

2) Brad Pitt was a great casting choice as Louis. With his long, sexy hair, eerie green eyes, and mouth made for pouting, he was the definition of the hot vampire long before Edward Cullen came along.

twiintvampIn the immortal battle of Can My Face Show Emotion, Brad Pitt wins hands down.

3) I hate Tom Cruise as Lestat. He failed to capture the combination of mischief and anguish that drives the character, and instead just kind of…yells about stuff for awhile and then offers a few moments of fright before “dying”. The movie gets better once he’s gone, which is too bad because he’s actually a very interestingcharacter. Tom Cruise just sucks, and he isn’t nearly as cute as he thinks he is.

Lestat de Lioncourt - Wikipedia

All Rights Reserved, Warner Brothers Studio 1994

4) I read this book for the first time when I was in my early teens, and it sparked a lifelong love of New Orleans. The film doesn’t do this justice, as it relies too much on elaborate sets and CGI backdrops. I wanted to feel the music, the culture, the energy of the city, but it just looked like a standard period drama that could have been set anywhere.

5) Still, the film looks amazing. Director Neil Jordan, whose IMDB is surprisingly lackluster, created a rich, visceral canvas. The wardrobe is lavish, as is the makeup. And while he might not have focused on NOLA as much as I would have liked, the set design as a whole is spectacular, especially the Theatre des Vampyres.

Immortally Masterful: Interview With The Vampire, 25 Years Later ...

All Rights Reserved, Warner Brothers Studio 1994

6) Like I said before, Anne Rice made vampires sexy long before Stephenie Meyers turned them into Mormon propaganda. But Rice  did it in such a strange way that it isn’t really erotica. There aren’t any vivid descriptions of sex, and it’s insinuated that the vampires “discard” their genitalia when they transition from being human. Instead, the novel is permeated by a heady sensuality, much of which is homosexual. The main relationships between Louis and Lestat and Louis and Armand are never romantic by definition, but the novel practically teems with sexual tension.

*Note: If you’re in the market for paranormal erotica, check out The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty series, written under Anne Rice’s penname of A.N. Roquelaure. But be ready for some crazy shit.

7) The film made the wise move of toning down that sexual tension when it came to the relationship between Louis and Claudia. Claudia, played by Kirsten Dunst when she was eleven years old, was meant to be only five or six in the books. She was always one of my favorite characters, and her story is so tragic and haunting that I still wish Rice would give her a follow up book. And again, vampires in Rice’s universe aren’t “sexual” in any real way. However, a person with the appearance of a kindergartener referrring an adult man as her “lover” was always weird, and the film works better with Brad Pitt as more of a Father/Companion/Jailer figure.

Louis and Claudia, Interview With the Vampire | 30 of Our Favorite ...

All Rights Reserved, Warner Brothers Studio 1994

8) The film also doesn’t spend nearly as much time reflecting on the “nature” of vampires. The books contains a lot of monologuing by Louis as he tries to understand the nature of good and evil, of God and the devil, in a world where monsters such as himself are allowed to exist. This is all very interesting, but there are times when you want to tell him to just shut up and get on with the story. Jones cut out a lot of Louis’ philophizing, which makes for a more tightly paced film.

9) But the whole River Phoenix narration thing still doesn’t work. It was annoying in the books, and it was utterly superfluous in the film.

10) Instead, they should have shown Louis and Claudia’s trip to Eastern Europe. One of Rice’s main themes was the juxtaposition of the “old” vampires, the ones that lived in crypts and practiced dying rituals, versus the “new” vampires that lived in mansions and walked among the people as one of them. This idea is never really explored, which is a shame.

11) Antonio Banderas is…not the best thing about the movie. His accent is weird, and he’s trying too hard to play vampire. But damn if his hair isn’t better than mine. Everyone in this universe has better hair than me. Cause vampires may have changed a lot since this book came out in ’76, but some things never changed. We like hot vampires better than creepy ones.

Pin on vampires

I’ll give you my blood in exchange for your hair-care regime.

12) I always hated the ending of the book, which more or less mirrors the end of the fim. It just…stops. There is no real conclusion, unless you continue reading Rice’s books.

Overall, its a solid book-to-film adaptation. Jordan and his cast remain true to the spirit of Rice’s books while amending some of the squiffier aspects. I highly recommend the next two books in Rice’s Vampire Chronicles series, The Vampire Lestat and Queen of the Damned. QOTD in particular is wonderful, kind of like the vampire Avengers, and addresses the vampire mythos in a unique and interesting way. But stop there. Everything from Tale of the Body Thief onward is just fluff.

I would also advise film-lovers to avoid 2002’s Queen of the Damned, staring Aaliyah and Stuart Townsend. It’s bad. Just…really bad.

Akasha And Lestat by SamBriggs.deviantart.com on @deviantART ...

Really, really bad.

Happy reading and watching everyone!

 

Did I get it totally wrong? Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

And check out more of our book vs film reviews!!

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Ready Player One

The Shining

The Faerie’s Bargain: Chapter Seven: The Decision

Note: If you haven’t already, go back and check out Chapter One!

CHAPTER SEVEN: The Decision

 

BRONNAGH

Queen Bronnagh awoke to a crack of lightning, followed by a crash of thunder so loud it shook the heavy posters of her bed.

The rumbles went on forever, followed shortly by another brilliant blast of white arcing across the sky.

In the infinitesimal pause between the lightning and the thunder, she heard it—a scream echoing off the stone walls of the castle corridor.

Gwen! The Fae have come for her after all.

Bronnagh reached into the darkness for the sleeping form of her husband, but the heavy blankets were cold and untouched.

Of course. He always spent the night away from her on Gwendolyn’s birthday. The memories proved too much to bear, and he ended up sprawled in the library, a horn of whiskey clutched tight to his breast.

The scream came again, and Bronnagh hurried out of bed, shivering in the damp night air. There was a fierce ache in her lower back—her final child was proving a hefty one, and she prayed it wasn’t another set of twins. 

Out in the corridor, the booming roar of the storm was muffled somewhat, and Bronnagh realized that the frightened shouts weren’t coming from the south wing, where Gwen had her rooms.

They were coming from the north wing. From Deirdre and Doreen’s tower. 

Her steps increased. She held one hand to the ache in her back, wincing against the pain. 

It’s just old mother’s labor. I’m not as young as I once was. 

The baby isn’t due for another six weeks. Thank the Gods this will be the last one. 

And be grateful it isn’t another set of twins. 

Bronnagh didn’t think her body could handle it. Not after the last time.

Her first pair, Sean and Seamus, had come easily into the world—an irony considering how much pain they seemed to enjoy inflicting now that they were out of it.

Six years later her belly had swollen again with twins. Colm and Caleb, slipped into the world as quietly as two shadows. Now ten years old, they were still the most enigmatic of her children. They spent most of their time studying with their tutors, and Bronnagh rarely saw them outside of mealtimes.

It was a bitter irony that her third set of twins should both be such gentle souls, given that their births had nearly killed her. And irrevocably scarred both of them.

The stone corridor ended in a short staircase and a heavy door carved from solid oak.

Another wail from behind the door. Bronnagh knocked three times, then twice more—an old game they used to play to let them know it was her.

“Mama!” a voice cried tearfully from the other side.

“Deirdre?” Her heart pounding, imagining all sorts of terrible things on the other side, Bronnagh pushed open the heavy wooden door.

Her two daughters sat in matching narrow beds with doves carved into the headboards.

“What happened dear? Did the storm wake you?” she asked, bringing the candelabra in to brighten the room.

The fire in the bedroom grate had long gone cold. Near the mantle was a long rope, and Bronnagh pulled it, ringing for the servants. 

“No, Mama,” Deirdre answered, her gaze fixed softly on the wall in front of her. “It was Doreen. She had a bad dream.”

“Doreen?” Crossing to her other daughter’s bed, Bronnagh set the candelabra down and felt Doreen’s brow. “Is something wrong, my darling?” Doreen’s vividly blue eyes fixed on her mother’s lips. She nodded in response, but did not speak. Instead, she gestured toward the window and began making frenzied motions with her hands.

Bronnagh watched them in the dim light. “Gwen? You saw Gwen?” Her heart began to beat faster. The ache in her back was now almost unbearable, and she sank down on Doreen’s bed, hissing as her spine screamed in agony.

Doreen nodded, her hands moving so fast that Bronnagh had difficulty keeping up.

“Gwen…in the forest…horse…Doreen slow down! Did the Fae come for her?”

Still sitting upright in her bed, Deirde shook her head. “No. Doreen says that Gwen went to them.”

Bronnagh’s heart clenched violently, as if it had burst open.

She felt a rush of wetness between her legs.

“Doreen says the Fae have Gwen now.”

Her fingers trembling, Bronnagh brought her fingers to the stomach of her gown.

They came away soaked in blood.

***

GWENDOLYN

“What do you mean, you’ve been waiting?” Gwen asked. Every hair on her body felt like it was standing on end. The power emanating from the fairy circle was as alive and electric as the lightning still arcing overhead.

The Fae male stood on the other side of the circle, lounging against one of the ancient stones, smirking at her. 

His eyes were wide set, and sparkled an incandescent violet, the color of galaxies yet to be born. His face was thin, with sweeping cheekbones and a wide, pouting mouth. His dark brows slanted downward, giving the impression of anger, or arrogance.

He gazed at her through lidded eyes for so long that she thought he would not answer.

“I’ve been waiting for you for years, Gwendolyn Setterwind.”

Gwen’s hands clenched into fists at her sides. “Give me a real answer, demon. Or I’ll leave and never look back.”

His ruby lips stretched into a grin. “Oh, I don’t think you will. You came seeking answers. And you know that I have what you seek. I don’t think you’ll be leaving so soon.”

Her chest heaved; she glared at the Fae furiously.

He was absolutely right. 

“What is your name?” she asked, determined to put them on more even footing.

The Fae gave an exaggerated bow. “Prince Cillian of Erilea. I’m very pleased to meet you, after this time.”

Gwen took a step back, until her spine pressed against cold stone. All around her she felt she could hear whispering, as if the rocks themselves were beckoning to her.

Lightning split the sky above her head, but the thunder that followed was damped, as though she were hearing it from very far away.

“You can already feel it, can’t you Gwen?” the Fae—Prince Cillian—asked. His violet eyes gleamed brightly in the eerie light from the circle. “You can feel it calling to you.”

“Why have you waited until now to come?” she demanded. “Why now?”

His grin broadened. “We could have taken you at any time, Gwen. But that would not have completed the bargain.”

Within the circle, the wind began to rise, whipping her hair about her face. “What completes the bargain?” she asked.

“You had to come to us,” Prince Cillian answered, his dark gaze fixed on her. “Of your own free will. Only then can you be taken to the land beyond the winds.”

Gwen licked her lips, weighing her options.

“And what awaits me there?” she asked, trying to maintain her composure.

“That I cannot tell you. You must make the choice. After all, you have wished for this for many years.”

She had wished for this, longed for an emissary from the Fae to come for her. To end her endless waiting, once and for all.

But now that this creature was in front of her, she was filled with a fear greater than she had ever known. 

He looked so normal, and yet utterly ethereal. His cheekbones were too perfectly chiseled. His lips too full, and so red they looked stained with cherry juice.

Don’t forget what he is. 

A beautiful predator.

I must not go with him.

She eyed the stones on either side of her, trying to gauge how quickly she would need to make her exit.

I should have brought a sword. But no, Grainne had told her the legends often enough when she was small. No mortal weapons could be brought inside the fairy circle.

I could run. Try to escape through the forest and back to the castle.

“You may, if you wish,” the Fae said. He examined his sharpened fingernails. “Return to the castle. Live out your days. Marry a fat husband. Give birth to seven fat children. All of it can be yours.”

“And the Fae would never come for me? I’d be left alone?” Gwen asked. A future she’d never been able to envision for herself suddenly sprang fully-formed before her eyes.

Prince Cillian glanced at her, his lip curling at the side. “Yes. To live a perfectly normal life. Like your mother. And your sisters. Just as you’ve always wanted. All you have to do is walk back of that circle.”

“Fine. I’ve been cursed from the day I was born. All I ever wanted was to be rid of it!” Gwen said. She strode purposefully toward the edge of the fairy circle, her body tensed in case the Fae tried to drag her back.

He didn’t so much as twitch an eyebrow.

Gwen reached the edge of the fairy circle. Her feet came together right where the boundary of shimmering light ended. She hesitated.

“If I go now, can I ever come back?” she asked, not turning to look at the Fae.

“No,” he answered shortly.

Gwen heard the rustling of leaves behind her. She spun around, her hand immediately going for a sword she wasn’t carrying.

Prince Cillian was standing inches from her. Her cheeks were pale, almost luminescent in the sparkling light from the stones. 

There were dark flecks of onyx in his eyes. Like the midnight sky. His ears were delicately pointed beneath his thick black hair. She saw that one of them was notched in three places along the side. 

“You must choose, Gwendolyn Setterwind. The Fae cannot take you against your will. If you wish to return to your old life, you may. But if you wish to know the answers to the questions you have been asking, then come with me.”

A muted roll of thunder echoed overhead.

He held out a moon-white hand.

***

DEIRDRE

Mother cried out in pain, and Deirdre heard her slump to the floor.

“Mama? Are you alright?” she cried, reaching out on my blanket to see if I could feel her.

“I’m…alright…darling.” Then there was a weak mewling sound, like a newborn kitten, but then nothing.

Deirdre started to crawl out of bed, but a warm hand clasped around hers, gentle fingers spreading her palm wide.

Something…wrong…mother… Doreen wrote into her hand.

“Where is she?” Deirdre asked, moving her lips carefully.

After a moment, she felt Doreen’s fingers moving again. Fall down…needs help…where Moira?

“Mother rang for a maid, to build up the fire. Someone should be here in a moment. Help me find her..” Deirdre held out a hand, and Doreen took it. Gently, she eased Deirdre off the bed, and helped her reach out until she found Mother’s form. 

There was a sticky wetness covering the lower half of her body, and a heavy, metallic smell bit at Deirdre’s nose.. 

“What should we do?” she asked Dorreen.

Baby…coming…Too much blood. Doreen signed into her hand. They’d been communicating this way since they were two years old, and Deirdre understood her words instantly.

“Mama said the baby isn’t ready to come yet,” Deirdre cried. She reached forward, feeling the muscles of her face slackened by unconsciousness.

“The baby isn’t supposed to come yet!” Deidre cried.

Sitting up, her hands coated in her mother’s blood, she screamed for help.

 

***

CILLIAN

The girl watched him as a field mouse watches the snake it has suddenly spied in the grass.

Ever ready, ever watchful, but knowing in the end that the battle was over before it begun.

That resistance was only an effort in futility.

Knowing she had no real choice. Only the illusion of one.

“Make your decision, girl. What is it that you want? To stay here, or to venture onwards?”

Her crimson hair was plastered to her body by the pounding rain. She shook her head. “What I want is for you to rot in hell.”

He had to admire her bravado. It spoke to a part of his soul that had not been stirred in years.

But now was not the time for sentiment. He had waited too long for this plan to come to fruition. He could not make the tiniest error.

Cillian smiled at her. “Don’t you want to know why you were the price that was paid?”

The girl’s face hardened. “I care not.”

Her lips were the color of ripe cranberries. He forced himself to give an insolent shrug. “Then go. Stop wasting my time.”

“After all this, after my father’s bargain, you would just let me go?” the girl asked over her shoulder, her body tensed for attack.

“It would be required of me, yes.”

“And what of the payment exacted by my father?”

“It would be forfeit.”

Gwen stepped to the side, her body poised for attack. “How can I believe you, demon?”

Cillian held up his hands, showing his own vulnerability. “I am bound by the ancient rules of my race. I cannot lie to a mortal. I cannot take you without your consent.”

She paused, eyes still swiveling for potential defenses. “And if I go? What is the price paid?”

Cillian pivoted to face her. “If you turn back now, you will never again be offered a chance to journey to Erilia.”

He could see the girl pause, considering. She tilted one ear to the skies, inhaling deeply as if trying to scent any threat in the air. 

A thrum of energy split the air around him. Cillian sniffed the air, reading the winds. 

The girl’s mother was in jeopardy.

He had to act fast.

Cillian folded his arms over his chest. “My patience wears thin.”

The girl took a step closer. The wind blew her damp hair off her shoulders.

She smelled of fresh pine and wildflowers. Cillian closed his eyes, savoring the scent.

He opened his eyes, smiling at her. Gently, without the exaggerated courtesy he had displayed before, he extended his hand, palm up.

“Gwendolyn Setterwind, I’m here to escort you to Erilea,” he said, his voice a husky murmur. “Will you join me?”

The girl gulped, the sapphire choker on her neck bobbing up and down.  

“If I go, I’ll never see my parents. My brothers and sisters…”

“But you’ll discover your destiny…” Cillian whispered.

Gwen’s eyes closed, her body swaying back and forth like a bewitched snake.

“Okay.” Slowly, infinitely slowly, she lay her hand upon his.

At the moment of contact, an electric jolt stronger than any bolt of lightning struck through them.

A wave of something that was not quite pain and not quite pleasure shuddered through him, and into her.

There was a sizzle and a crack, then a brilliant flash of light.

The rain continued to fall on the ancient stones of the fairy circle.

And on the empty space within.

Is Yoga Worth it? I Practiced for One Hundred Days to Find Out!

They say that people who “convert” to things as adults are more passionate about their chosen thing than people who were born into it.* Well I guess yoga is going to be my thing, because its definitely made a positive improvement in my life, and now I can’t shut up about it.
I hit a pretty rough patch towards the end of last year. I was anxious, lonely, unmotivated, and just generally feeling depressed.** I knew that I needed something to help me: a daily tool that I could use to keep myself focused. I initially thought I would do different 30-day challenges from various workout styles: pilates, zumba, kickboxing, etc. I only picked yoga first because I assumed it was easy***. But I got very lucky early on by stumbling into the Yoga With Adriene videos, and I’ve been hooked ever since.
A few people have asked me if I have lost weight or inches or seen any other physical gains from doing yoga. To which I have to answer…I think so? When I decided to start getting healthier, I refused to measure or weigh myself going in. I knew that if I began looking at numbers, I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else, because that’s just how my squirrel-brain operates. I would get discouraged that I wasn’t hitting my “targets” as quickly as I liked, and I would give up. It’s happened several times in the past. Instead, I had to force myself to focus on my overall health rather than a numbers-driven goal.****
So the question then becomes, do I feel healthier? To which I can answer, ABSOLUTELY.
Four months later, I’ve noticed a definite improvement in my posture. The simple change of practicing how to sit and stand without hunching has done wonders. There’s less stress on my neck and shoulders, as well as on my lower back, which used to be in constant pain. I feel stronger, and more confident in how to use my body. But more than anything, I’ve noticed that I’m just generally more positive, and better able to deal with the stressful situations. I’m learning how calm down, to breathe and take stock of the the world around me when I feel overwhelmed. Now, it hasn’t been a magic cure-all for anxiety. I still have lots of days where I feel lost or forgotten or sad. But yoga has been an unexpectedly helpful tool in dealing with that, especially given the current state of things.
I’m also really glad that I decided to share this online, and grateful to anyone who participated, even if it was only for a ltitle while! it’s helped me to feel more connected with the people in my life. So thanks to everyone who has been following along!

*For further examples, see born-again religious converts, vegans, and people who keep telling you that you haven’t seen real TV until you’ve watched The Wire.
**And that was before COVID blew every plan I had for the future out of the water.
***I was immediately proven wrong.
****I do not want to suggest that this was easy. It is a daily battle with my obsessive side that wants to keep a log of inches and pounds.

#keepcalmandyogaon

May The Fourth Be With You! Here Are My (Not-So-Kind) Thoughts on The Rise of Skywalker.

Before I say anything, let me state outright that this is not an article from a butthurt fan girl about how Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker raped my childhood, shat on my lawn, and kicked my puppy.

I don’t feel personally betrayed by the fact that the final installment in a global phenomenon spanning forty years and worth an estimated $70 BILLION* somehow managed to cut off its own head in the opening five minutes, only to spend the next two hours chasing it around with no thought to story structure or character development. Okay, judging by the length of that last sentence I might be a little mad, but I’m dealing.

I simply want to discuss how they (and I’ll get to who they are in a second) managed to take a film series beloved by literally billions of people, and fail so completely on every single level.

  • Maybe it was because JJ Abrams got dealt a raw deal, since Episode 8 director Rian Johnson widely diverged from his plans for the trilogy with The Last Jedi. But Abrams chose not to direct Jedi **. He had the option, but declined for reasons known only to himself and whatever island of cocaine and hookers he was living on at the time. So for him to just take everything that Johnson built on with Jedi and toss it away like it didn’t even exist was really idiotic. You don’t get to walk away from a project, come back two years later to discover you don’t like what they did, then kick it all down and start over. It doesn’t work like that in filmmaking.
  • Maybe it was because Carrie Fisher passed away, and Abrams had planned the third film around her character. Yeah, this one really sucks. Carrie Fisher was an icon, not only for film nerds, but for mental health advocates everywhere. But you know what, Abrams? Tough cookies. Find a new idea. Because for her last role to be a hastily cut, awkwardly squished mush of lines combined with the same terrifying CGI mashups we saw in Rogue One was an incredible dishonor to the actress.

 

Leia's Jedi Training Sequence in 'The Rise of Skywalker' Was ...

Props to Billie Lourd, but this was so unsettling. ***

 

  • Maybe it was because he had to deal with both Disney’s expectations, and the hype of foreign audiences. In short, I’ve heard people say that Abrams can’t be blamed for Skywalker, since he had to deal with a lot of pressure from the Mouse, plus had to make sure that the film would be a global success. To which I say: fuck that. Abrams knew what he was getting into. He simply was too untalented or too lazy (more the latter, imo) to bother making a great screenplay when he knew that a half-baked one could be done quicker. So he could retire back to his island of cocaine and hookers.
  • I think it’s because Abrams is simply a bad storyteller. Who decided this man knew anything about tension? Or plotting? Or pacing? Or building character development? Was it during Lost? Cloverfield? Super Eight? Bet you had to Google that last one. He only start getting noticed after the 2009 Star Trek reboot, which didn’t require him to actually come up with his own ideas, but simply to regurgitate enough fan-nostaglia onto a big screen to justify his budget.  So far, all that Abrams has shown a talent for is taking a somewhat good idea and elevator-pitching it to the right people in order to get enough money to maintain his lifestyle before those people realizes he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing.
  • Note: I haven’t actually mentioned much of the plotline of Skywalker, and that’s because if I spend fifteen minutes trying to explain what actually happens in the movie, it will succeed the amount of time Abrams spent on the script.

 

I started this review off by saying I wasn’t a butthurt fangirl, but I suppose maybe I am a little. I mean, I grew up on the original trilogy. I was only eleven when Phantom came out, and a teenager who thought Hayden Christensen was really cute for Episodes II and III. So maybe I didn’t know what it meant to be just…unbearably let down by Star Wars. Well this is it, I guess. And it’s left an even worse taste in my mouth than the last season of Game of Thrones.

Oh well. At least we’ll always have Jar-Jar.

May the Fourth be with you everyone!

Writing Character Workshop: Jar Jar Binks – Colin McMahon